Hey –
It's the most wonderful time of the year, the end.
What a year it has been, and I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not. In some ways, it was a good year, there were fun memories made, new friends to embrace and new adventures.
But as we face the last full week of 2024, I'm thinking about the things still left to do. I used to spend all of December focusing on what my goals for the next year will be.
This year, it took entirely way too long to finish that draft I was working on. I've been burnt out at a job that feels like there's no way out of except to quit.
There are people in my life who are struggling through big things right now, and as a victim of eldest daughter syndrome (with a dash of special needs family), I struggle not being able to fix it for them. Not being able to take that pain or solve the problem, just having to be there with them.
In moments like this, I think about 2024 was just another year of trying to survive. Survive this stressful week, survive to the next paycheck, survive to the next vacation.
I don't want to survive, I want to thrive. I want my friends to thrive, I want my partner to thrive, too, especially him, he deserves it more than anyone I know.
As 2024 comes to an end, I guess I feel a little bitter. This year started out with some great memories, starting a new job (with so many of my work friends who had gone through layoffs with me - and I know some of you are reading this), a work event where I got to see everyone, the feeling of spring just bringing new life, moving my body and getting back on track.
All of those things have really fallen apart in the last quarter, and I will admit I'm a little bitter about it. But according to the Clifton Strengths test, my biggest strength is that I'm futuristic. Despite the world around us - I truly feel in my bones, that the future is going to be better to me than the present is now. I will be a full time author some day, making good money from my writing (especially more than what my day job is paying me), I'll have the free time and less stress, I will be happier, a better friend and a better partner.
Knowing what I've learned about myself since I was younger, in my mid-twenties, I am so much happier just writing all the time - except for the details about bills and costs of living. But the futuristic part of me still believes I will get there. I will, but I'm not there yet and how long do you keep working toward the future before you finally get there?
That's the question that keeps me up at night sometimes. A lot of questions do, I average 4-6 hours of sleep a night so there's a lot of thinking at 2 or 3 in the morning.
After I finish writing this, I'll go write some end of year recap blog posts. A reading one and writing one, and even though I failed both of my goals for those this year, I'll spin it positively, I still did the work even if I fell short.
So, I'll admit to those of you that make it this far - I'm feeling bitter. Maybe I'll be bitter the rest of the week until I get to the "Out of Office" response kicking in at my day job, clocking out for the rest of 2024.
And I'll let myself be a little bitter, I think being emotionally aware is being able to honor the moments when your emotions are negative and letting yourself feel them. I'll get over the bitterness, probably before you read this, but I guess, the point is to say, if you feel like maybe you didn't hit all your goals this year - it's okay. I'm in the same boat with you.
Regardless of my bitterness, I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and a safe holiday weekend.
You won't see me back in your inbox until next Tuesday. So, take care of yourselves, we're almost at the finish line that was 2024.
Laura
